The "Lucky Lucky Bastard" Tour

On this tour we all seem to get a Barra or two. No skill is required on this tour, in fact there is little skill
to be seen on any of our tours. The fact that you get back safely is a bonus on its own,
so stop your whining already. Bloody tourists ! I'll tell you Cuz, they never stop.

The "Not as good as last time" tour

On this tour we just don't seem to get fish like the tours of yesteryear (or other tour operators) You can expect many theories on global warming and the "countrymen collecting firewood early this year" & mango flowerings, because it is just not our fault, OK ! Who brought that banana onto the boat again?

The "did you pull my line" gag tour

Come with us for a back slapping barrel of laughs as we pull your line a minimum of 19 times per day to break the monotony, we have such a wonderful time and have trouble driving the boat through the snags at high speed due to the tears of laughter in our eyes. So hang on tight on this tour. We even tell all the jokes you may of forgotten over the years (or only heard last week).
 

The "did we have 4 guys or 5 guys" tour

Every now and then one of our guides may lose someone in the wilderness, and this gives all remaining fishermen (with a water bottle) (and not dehydrated/sunburnt) the opportunity to be a part of a search party. But the best twist is that we search from our boat along the river still trolling our lures & often stop at a snag or two to throw in a line as well.
If you happen to get a bite you have to yell out loud over the others who are calling "Brian" or "Jim" or whoever that last guy was that we never found. After a while we forget our stress of losing someone and head home all happy as you realise there are less people to share the catch with.

The "did you pack the gear" tour

Every now and then due to unforeseen circumstances a few rods may fly out of the trailer, or the swags go missing (again) or the clothes & tuckerbox just don't make it. This gives the party a wonderful opportunity to bond and take turns using the remaining fishing line & lure (you'll have to pay for it if you lose it) (the others may get a little angry). Its amazing what meals you can prepare using just slimy fish bait and gum leaves. And bedtime, well best to share the swag with anyone but Cuz. In fact best just to stay up as late as you can after all this is a Midnight Fishing Safari.

The "burley em up" tour

On this tour we leave the confines and calmness of the River system and head out to sea. We head out to the outer islands (They are called that because they are out & not in). This will give you the ride of a lifetime (especially when there is a High in the Bight and GPS has been lost again, and the sun has set). The race is on to get to a reef or an island before everyone starts getting sea sick ,throwing up and making a mess in the boat or we hit a reef at low tide. The idea is to burley up the water where we drop anchor and there is usually more food left over for crew. A vomit in the water is highly prized when stopped and the Captains line is wet than on the move.

The "Bring the Wives along" tour

On this tour we bring the bosses along and sit around the campfire in total misery. In fact it is often called the 8 O'Clock Fishing Safaris Tour as that is the time the wives seem to head to the tent and ask (demand) if you are coming. You get to take your beer home as the "evil eye" is often cast your way everytime you call out "who wants a beer". On this tour you don't get to spend much time in the boat as you are worried how the Ladies are going back at camp,......your thoughts range from .... are they too hot, are the flys and mosquitos annoying them, did a bug fall in their cup and are they now dehydrated as a result and feeling faint, did they have trouble digging a hole, did they realise there is no toilet seat to whine about, are they going to whinge for an hour or two when you get back 10 minutes later than "about 4PM", where did I leave the panadol, did that crocodile finally crawl up the bank and take her, did I insure her for enough to get a new boat and a holiday, did she have the keys in her pocket, should the new wife be 18 or older, did I insure her enough for a bigger boat than my last thought with a 70horse, a new rod or three plus a box of brand new lures, a longer holiday than before, a new wife with a friend, actually forget the wife bit and just try the friend & friend of friend........

And before you realise it, you are pulling into camp and can see that evil eye stare from the bank.

At the end of this tour you end up with no fish and a sunburnt wife that just hates fishing and cannot see why you would want to do it, which works in your favour as next time you let slip you are going fishing, she is all for inflicting that sort of pain into you and even helps pack the swag for you. Problem solved for the rest of your fishing life.

And just remember it was all on a Midnight Fishing Safari.

Friday nights didgeridoo comp with Cuz James

Fun for the whole family (Men Only) on didgeridoo Fridays. Show your skills (or lack of...)(just like James) as you sit around the campfire with the traditional Outback Australian wooden music stick. Others can join in with clap sticks (if they have not been used to start the campfire again.) Let James issue you with a range of quality traditional "Bali made" didjs (We dont want to offend the Greenies in Oz) Just check your didj for small drill holes that mysteriously reappear every time James is outclassed in the comp.(usually weekly) (He is still licking his wounds from the Katherine Flying Fox Festival "Main Event" in August 2010. We did try to tell him that he was shite, but he thought we were joking.  (Look, It did start out as a straight faced conversation though when we said he plays really really really well)..(but we were belly laughing and rolling on the floor within minutes as we just couldnt hold a straight face any longer).  Anyway James we do need you on Safari soon , so er.. mate  please come back.  (Mate... it was 3 "reallys" that we said, what did we say wrong??)

Now James (Mate) We dont want to take over your didj segments on Friday nights as its a long way to walk in the dark back to the Midnight Fishing Safari Camp. (And you still haven't found last weeks Comp winner) The other guys said you were walking back at the end of the group with him. (But we still split his lure collection) (I got 5 classics)
Anyway ...you guessed it, the didj camp is about 2 kilometres further out in the bush out of earshot from the rest of us . Cant stand people making fart noises & donkey noises that is amplified X10 fold through the hollow stick. We get that day & night from Cuz on & off tour & without a didj. (and it's 3 dimensional with odour)

I'm telling you Cuz, we should just drop the Friday night didj sessions as it is attracting hippy types to our safaris, and it might ruin our reputation.